Dear Depression

Dear Depression,

The first time I met you, I was twelve years old,

Huddled in my bed, hands clasping my ears,

I begged my parents to stop. They did not.

When you told me I was worthless, I would take a step back.

Each time I took a step back, your voice grew louder and I shrivelled.

The time you stayed, and I counted the days till it reached fifty,

No one noticed and I prided myself for being such a good actress.

You whispered in my ear, you are a failure and garbage

And no matter how much I fought back, your voice would never go.

People told me that there were worse things in the world

Than parents fighting and fathers leaving,

I believed them and I ignored the obvious signs that you showed.

You made me believe that life was not worth living

When people asked, I could not explain.

You made me a pariah; I would run when they came

Asking me if I was okay but I would never say

That there’s a voice in my head telling me to jump off my roof

That there’s a voice in my head making me lose

That there’s a voice in my head, do you have them too?

I heard about the time, when my friend got raped

And I wondered what was wrong with me

When nothing had happened and yet you would say

Jump, jump, and jump again.

I made you into a being, a person or a cloud

That would follow me around who no one else could see.

You are a sickness who preys on the weak they said

Am I weak? I asked myself. Maybe I am.

I let you in didn’t I? And in return,

You gave me sadness, but not sadness,

When people asked I could not explain.

They told me to look at the light at the end of the tunnel,

But I did not see the light just darkness.

I will see the light.

You will not drag me down to the bottom,

I will crawl out of that hole.

You will not make me question my value,

I will see it no matter the cost.

You will not lead me to oblivion

For I am not meant to stay there.

I will fight,

I will conquer,

And in the end we will tumble

But only one will be the winner.

Love,

Samragni