Dear Depression- Part Two

Dear Depression,

This is the second letter I have written to you in the past few months

I don’t know why and I don’t know how, but we always find a way back to each other.

You are the elephant in the room that I cannot ignore, the voices in my head that whisper all the time.

I met you at a young age, you know that already. 

But never like this, never this brutally.

Last week we had a run in, you smiled at me, your eyes twinkling bright.

The secretive smile that made my blood run cold and my skin shiver from anticipation for the worst.

You took words from my head and put them into a record player which played them over and over again,

You took my emotions from me, the little things that make me human and sealed them in zip lock bag.

Translucent, colourful, they shined through the plastic, the swirls delightfully beautiful.

They were so close, yet so far away.

I don’t know if I can fight you, if I can fight the part in me that keeps telling me to jump of the roof.

I am exhausted you see and so I beg you, I beg you to leave.

I am not weak, I hope that I am not weak; I do not know if I am weak.

These words are formed into sentences that drag behind me, following me everywhere I go.

I want to tell you to leave, my dear elephant, but sometimes you are my only friend.

You are my companion and my equal but still, I know I should push you away.

I know that you are not, just another star in the sky; you are a part of me like I am a part of the universe, maybe inconsequential but a part of it just the same.

I do not know how to say, that I want to be alone when my mothers shivers when I am silent in fear of what I might do.

I feel like the rabbit hole pulls me down like a vacuum cleaner, cleaning the floor.

I try to hold on and in the process drag others down with me.

A part of me needs you for I have forgotten to live without you, my Alice.

Another part of me hates you for taking and taking and never giving back.

Leave me, I beg of you, let me be and go.

Stay.

Go.

Never.

Forever.

No.

Please.

Go.

I hope that I will fight you.

I sincerely hope so.

I hope that I can.

I hope.

Love,

Samragni
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJ_S5Rjt_iI