Space Oddity

As I stare at the sky, which I know will happen for the last time, David Bowie sings in my head "Tell my wife I love her, she knows." He sings like a broken record player, singing the same line over and over again. People's voices play like the background music to an mobster film. I can hear them but I cannot acknowledge the voices, they play on but David Bowie never stops. I hear my self singing along, humming the tune of Ground Control to Major Tom. They stop talking and listen. The setting is no longer of that of an Al Capone movie but leans towards a John Green novel. I remember reading Donna Tart as I sipped my last cup of tea the day before. I remember him raising his hand, the gun glistening in the sun. I remember my hands going cold, the feeling of acceptance and peace rising into my body like a tsunami wave. I don't know why, but I think of Alice in Wonderland and how I am the Cheshire Cat. I wish to disappear and appear again only when I feel like it. I wish to fly and to raise my arms in ecstasy. I wish, I wish, I wish. I know I am dying. I feel someones hands pressing into the bullet wound. I hear someone telling me that everything is going to be all right. My hands are oh so very cold. I close my eyes. He steps down from his altar made of gold, she lifts me up, her dress the same colour. I see them but they are the same. I look down, I see them running, my body being lifted into the white van that is there to save me. I look up and see the stars.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNuSD49chY8